This agreement shall be governed by the laws of 12th-century Prussia.
The opinions expressed in this document and all other documents present at this web site not expressly stated as being from another source do not necessarily represent the opinions of any other individual person, any educational facility, any organization, any business, any government, the United Nations, the Organization of American States, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, the Warsaw Pact, the Geneva Convention, the North American Free Trade Agreement, the European Union, Starfleet, the United Federation of Planets, or the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks.
All persons portrayed in this web site do not necessarily convey anything that happened in anyone's life or afterlife, dead or undead, forever and ever, amen. Not recommended for children under twelve. Parental guidance is discouraged and frowned upon. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. All rights wronged, all wrongs reversed. Up with going down. Animals and other fuzzy creatures were not harmed in the creation of this web site. Do not attempt this at home. On second thought, do not attempt this anywhere. The contents of this web site have been known to cause erratic behavior and indiscriminate twitching in humans. Your mileage may vary. The author of this website reserves the right to use your likeness for promotional purposes and to cut and paste it into lewd downloadable films, such as "Willard Scott Does Cleveland." Contents may settle during shipment. No preservatives added. Action figures sold separately. No other warranty expressed or implied. Avoid spraying into eyes. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. At participating locations only. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Approved for veterans. Apply only to affected area. Always fasten your safety belt. Do not X-ray. Do not write below this line. Do not write above this line. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Continue use if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. Contents under pressure. Colors may, in time, fade. Caveat emptor. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Terms are subject to change without notice. Some equipment shown is optional. Simulated picture. You must be at least four feet tall to ride this ride. User assumes full responsibility. Use type GR927 battery. Use only with proper ventilation. Use at your own risk. To be used as a supplementary restraint system only. Times approximate. This product contains olestra. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. All models over 18 years of age. Don't quote me on anything. Driver does not carry cash. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. No substitutions allowed. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. No user-serviceable parts inside. Use only as directed; intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents can be harmful or fatal. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Slippery when wet. Sign here without admitting guilt. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Open other end. One size fits all. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Not rated by the Motion Picture Association of America. Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalnine. Park at your own risk. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. May stick to certain types of skin. May not be present in all tap water. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Push down, then twist. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again. Sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Product is provided "as is" without any warranties. Product does not really fly. Objects in website may be closer than they appear. Maximum speeding fine: twelve cents. Many suitcases look alike. If condition persists, consult your physician. Accessing this web site may cause a warp in space and time in your vicinity. There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this web site may spontaneously disappear from the present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's bald spot.
WARNING: May cause dry mouth, back hair, bleeding gums, memory loss, hallucinations that you are king of a country nobody's heard of, anxiety attacks, random giggling, drippy ear wax, excessive toenail growth, deja vu, foot fungus, hyperactivity, drowsiness, insomnia, cravings for bizarre flavors of ice cream, water retention, death, excess nose hair, ability to believe everything Bill Gates says, large mucous-filled nodules on the face and hands, spontaneous combustion, genital atrophy, increased sex drive, frustration, itches, excess eyebrow hair, love of asparagus, worms, growth of additional limbs, euphoria, spontaneous orgasms, fear of speaking in public, strange obsession with anything brown, nostalgia when Swedish folk music is played at football games, uncontrollable ecstacy when listening to country music, forehead hair, constant bleeding from both eyes, cravings for sheep's milk, the sexual desire to defecate in a mall, glowing eyes, oneness with the universe, mediocrity, yellow sweat, love of poetry, desire to mate with trees, fingernail biting, vampirism, male lactation, loose teeth, noisy and foul-smelling flatulence, cravings for beef, past life regression, inner child tantrums, walking backwards, talking with a funny accent, impulsiveness, uncontrollable belching, speaking in binary, reverse dyslexia, uncouth behavior, delusions of grandeur, enlarged prostate, total quality management, spleen implosion or explosion, severe nasal hair growth, pregnancy, infertility, loss of genitalia, hermaphroditism, hangnails, bladder leakage, elephantiasis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis, appendicitis, bronchitis, athlete's foot, loss of your free will, and the constant thought that clapping your hands if you're happy (and you know it) is redundant and unnecessary if your face will surely show it.
This supersedes all previous notices. This disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.